I woke up and pushed aside the leaves that I was sleeping under. George, this stupid dog I know was already licking his butt. I doled out a, "it's smells like it always does," comment which either he ignored or missed entirely. Dogs are dumb.
After taking a bath in premium imported water, I waltzed over to the kitchen where I selected a fish from the fridge. The fish wanted to know if I wanted him sauteed or flame-broiled. What a stupid question! I'm a cat! I want him raw! Which I promptly demonstrated on his face.
The paper came and I picked it up, sauntering over to my chair to read the news that's fit to scratch. This made George nervous, but I told him to find his own damn chair and leave me to my paper in peace. I think he decided then and there to cross the street to hassle our neighbors, Mr. and Mrs. Squirrel. I like them, mostly because they never tire of hurling insults at dogs and making them looking stupid.
After I clawed the paper to an illegible mess, I decided to walk over to the bushes and hide. Normally no one can see me, and I've discovered that when I come out, the world changes. Today was no different. When I emerged, the grass had somehow turned into cotton candy and some birds were diving in and out of the yard with the puffy treat in their maws. I tried it and it tasted like grape! Well, grape with a hint of bird. I guess that one bird made the mistake of flying into my mouth at the moment I opened it. Now I got this foul fowl expressing his opinion about how my tummy is a decorator's nightmare.
"Shut up you stupid bird! That's my tummy you're disrespecting!"
The Yarn Man arrived and delivered a nice batch of fuzzy goodness. I was especially pleased with the gold yarn. I got trapped within minutes. The bird in my tummy proceeded to chastise me for getting wrapped up in the yarn so quickly. I ignored him because I was in kitty heaven. Still, he was a poor choice of tenants, so I let him go with a nice burp. Turns out that he was a turkey.
What a ham.
Then some fellows came along that were so goofy-looking that I called them Telly Tubbies. I think that made them mad, but they agreed to play strip poker with me anyway. Since I was naked already, they insisted that I put clothes on whenever I lost a hand. I agreed because I really wanted that pink guy's purse, and the green one's pants.
I won most of the games, so I didn't get to steal all of their clothes. The watch was nice though. It tells time backward so I always know what time it was. Very important when you need to know when it was a half hour ago. It even alerts me if I ever forget an hour. Joygasm.
The sun is going down. Really. That bastard hid behind the clouds almost the entire day and I really wanted to nap under the sunbeams! Tonight I am going to wait until just before the sky lightens up then I am going to whip out my rifle and shoot that bastard right out of the sky before he realizes what hit him!
"You hear that sun!? Your days are numbered! You're going down! The only thing rising from you from now on is daisies!!"
Besides, George keeps complaining that he never gets to dig up enough daisies.
Tomorrow, I might take some time to do a self-portrait of me pounding merrily away at the keyboard as I reply to and post Live Journal comments. Then if it's really good, I'll make it into a Live Journal icon. Unless one of you decide to do one before I do.
Thanks for listening to my day. I hear it was a special one where everyone talks about how weird their lives are. Something about honoring some hairless ape called Lewis Carroll. Apes are dumber than dogs.
If you like kitties, feel free to join my cat-worshiping community, kitty_lovin.
There's also a cool site called Tao of Meow Mediation fur Hoomins Class you must take a look at!
Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to chew on some plants.